A few years ago, I used to hear the saying “you attract who you are,” and I didn’t believe it. Honestly, none of the men I dated reflected who I truly was. We had nothing in common, and I thought, there’s no way I could be attracting who I am, because I didn’t see myself as broken the way they were.
But now that I’ve grown and done the work on myself, I see there is truth to that saying. When I look back, I realize I didn’t value myself enough. So when someone showed interest in me, I automatically assumed they were the right person. I didn’t take the time to really know them. It wasn’t until conversations happened and time passed that I saw how broken they were.
I never thought I was broken. But being with people like that was proof that I was because if I were healed, if I truly knew who I was and valued myself, there’s no way I would have chosen those relationships.
When people say “you attract who you are,” they’re not talking about your kindness, your good heart, or how much you care about others. They’re not talking about the mindset of wanting to save everyone. Dating for me used to be about rescue let me save this person, let me help them heal. And in the process, I forgot to save myself. I kept giving and giving, with no one there to catch me or pour back into me.
That’s when it clicked. If I had loved myself, truly loved myself, and worked on myself, I would have been drawn to people who knew how to love back. Instead, I was loving people who didn’t understand love at all. Our brokenness looked different, but it still aligned and that’s why I couldn’t see the truth in that saying before.
When you love yourself, value yourself, set boundaries, trust God, and raise your standards, everything changes. You attract better people healthy love, intentional men, emotionally available, God-fearing people. But when you don’t love yourself, even if you’re kind and have a good heart, it doesn’t mean you’ll attract the same in return.
We’re all different. We’ve all experienced different paths and different trauma. And if you haven’t healed what broke you, it’s nearly impossible to attract people who are loving, intentional, empathetic, and committed.
Healing changes what you allow and what you attract.
Shine with Maposi 